How to Get Rid of A Mudblood
by Atrasylvania
Summary: Druella Black, Bellatrix's mother, invites the Tonks family to a holiday dinner. Bellatrix gives Draco a bad idea in hopes of getting rid of Ted. Rude humor.


**Not strictly cannon, as Draco's old enough to follow Bellatrix's instructions, but not old enough to know better. Technically, by that time, Bellatrix and Rodolphus would be in Azkaban and Regulus dead, but we'll ignore that. Also Bellatrix and Narcissa hadn't seen Andromeda "since she married the mudblood". We'll ignore that too...**

**I meant for this to be humorous, but it might gross you out. You've been warned. **

**And I don't own anything in the HP world or make $ from this, of course.**

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><p>Little Draco Malfoy sat on the dining room carpet playing with his xmas presents while most of the adults sat gathered around the table, talking and eating, although the atmosphere was far from jovial - it was stuffy and uncomfortable; everyone was trying to pretend everything was alright.<p>

At one end of the table, Cygnus Black talked loudly at Orion and his wife, trying desperately to keep their attention away from the den. Regulus, Rodolphus, Lucius, and Narcissa were chatting at the other end (Sirius hadn't shown up, to no one's surprise or disappointment); and although Narcissa had tried quite a few times already to draw her sister into the conversation, Bellatrix was silent for once. She sat, neither eating nor speaking, but glaring at the mudblood through the dining room door.

The mudblood sat in the den with his bloodtraitor wife and their half-blood brat; they were visiting the bloodtraitor's mother, Druella - who was also Bellatrix and Narcissa's mother. Indeed, no one else wanted them - the Tonks family - there, but Druella insisted on "seeing her granddaughter". She had actually written Bellatrix, begging her not to "cause a scene if they show up". Otherwise, Bellatrix would have caused a scene. Actually, she would have gotten rid of the mudblood. Gladly. But Bellatrix didn't want to upset her mother. ('One day, though,' she thought, 'I'll get my hands - or wand - on the lot of them, and Mother will never know.')

As everyone else was deep in conversation and trying to keep their eyes away from the den, Bellartix was the only one to notice Draco get up.

"Where are you going, Draco?" she asked.

"I haf to go to the baffroom," he replied.

She got up from her chair, bent down beside him, and whispered in his ear,

"Do you see that man in there talking to Grandmother?"

He nodded.

"Go in there and potty in his lap."

Draco grinned mischieviously and ran off toward the mudblood. No one at the table seemed to notice when Bellatrix slid back into her seat and fixed her gaze on the den.

. . .

"MY PANTS! MY PANTS!" Ted Tonks shouted, causing everyone in the dining room to look at him.

Druella's mouth flew open; Nymphadora giggled at her cousin's antics.

Andromeda tried to calm her husband down, "Be still, honey, let me use a cleaning charm..."

But he was making that difficult - running in circles, screaming, waving his arms in the air...

Regulus burst into laughter, and soon the whole table was consumed by fits of giggles, except for Lucius, who, not realizing what was going on, jumped up from his chair, shouting, "Merlin! Draco's in there with that mudblood!"

He stood frozen, as if in shock.

"I don't know what's so funny about this," he said, looking at his wife.

Narcissa tried to explain, but she was laughing too hard.

"Look... his ... pants..." was all she could manage.

Lucius looked, saw the stain; it still didn't completely register to him what had happened.

"SO THE MUDBLOOD HAS CRAPPED HIS PANTS? GET DRACO OUT OF THERE!"

Everyone just laughed harder.

"It's okay; I've got him! I'll go change him," Druella called, scooping up Draco (who was also laughing at the silly man), and carrying him into the bathroom.

After having been defected on and called a mudblood, Ted Tonks decided it was time to leave. And he certainly wouldn't be coming back for any more Black family holiday dinners. He let Andromeda use the cleaning charm and they went their way.

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><p><strong>Reviews are appreaiated. :)<strong>


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